
I am always intrigued when friends speak about the joys of having an ex as a platonic friend. They argue that just because the romantic aspect didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean the friendship should be lost. In theory, it sounds appealing if it can be managed. But is it actually feasible? Here are some insights from women on Reddit about why they choose to stay friends with their exes.
Some believe the friendship is too valuable to abandon. One Redditor,
u/Staaldrigstill,
said, “I’m friends with my exes from longer relationships because we like each other so much but have no love left/didn’t work out as a couple.”
Another user, u/Melorix, shared,
“Two of my three best friends are former lovers. I’m always upfront about this to new partners—my current boyfriend understands that I have a strong bond with them, including a certain type of love, but he is my mate. He isn’t threatened or jealous when I hang out with them solo. I’d be fine if he was that close with one of his exes (he isn’t).”
u/Pete_the_rawdog explained,
“Breaking up with someone doesn’t make them a bad person or friend. When I was young, I blamed the dumper and carried grief toward them. One day I realized some people just do not work as a couple. Just because we don’t click romantically doesn’t mean they aren’t a great person that I get along with. My best friend is actually someone I dated that didn’t work out. We are here for each other and love each other dearly, but we simply were not compatible.”
u/elg3 noted,
“We get along great platonically and have a lot in common. I am dating someone else now, so I try my best to create my own boundaries even though he has no issues with it. My ex and I attended a lot of music festivals/events previously, so that’s something I don’t feel is appropriate any longer. I think a lunch every now and then to catch up is a good balance.”
u/silentxem shared,
“I’ve remained on friendly terms with all my ex-partners, serious or casual, unless they gave me a reason not to be friendly. Only two have ever crossed me enough to cut them out, and that was after we had ended things. My most serious ex (dated almost six years, lived together, he moved halfway across the country for me) is still my best friend. He gets me like nobody else does, and I really value our friendship.”
Some people find it too difficult to let go of someone familiar.
u/searedscallops mentioned,
“I prefer to remain friends with exes. Not being friends feels like such a void in my life. I view breakups as transitions from romantic relationships to friendships, rather than as terminations of relationships.”
Others felt the connection was purely platonic from the start.
u/ahatmadeofshoes12 said,
“I had one of my exes become one of my best friends and I actually ended up having him as a roommate for a year after we broke up. It was one of those very short-lived relationships where we clicked very closely as friends and confused the friendship attraction for romantic attraction. Friendship-wise, things worked out great, but in terms of compatibility, it was a complete mess The relationship didn’t last very long, maybe 4-5 months, and it really wasn’t a bad breakup at all. It was mutual.”
While staying friends with an ex is possible, it’s not for everyone, and that’s okay. Especially if things ended poorly. If you’re interested in pursuing a platonic friendship with an ex, it might be best to take some time apart after the breakup.
Rachel Sussman,
a New York City-based psychotherapist, told Time magazine, “I’m quite suspect of those couples that break up and then tell me right away that they’re best friends. Time heals. A lot of insight can come with time and space apart.”
So, if maintaining a friendship is important to you, consider taking a break first. Then, you can work toward a platonic relationship, starting fresh on a clean slate.