
The OP acted more like a father than an older brother to his much younger sister.
When their father left on his trip, the OP’s sister was eleven years old. The OP and his wife didn’t have children and had no plans to start a family. This created a problem, as they didn’t want kids.
After the loss, the OP and his family faced tough decisions, leading to unexpected tension. According to the OP:
“My father passed away from pancreatic cancer. There are 2 options for my sister: either I take her in or my uncle (dad’s brother). So we asked her who she wanted, and she chose me. Here is the problem: My wife and I decided that we did not want kids.”
Both men agreed the girl should choose where to live, and she chose to stay with the OP and his wife.
However, trouble began when the OP’s wife made it clear she didn’t want children and that taking in his sister would mean having a child.
She argued that since the uncle could adopt the girl, they shouldn’t have to.
The OP insisted he wouldn’t force his sister to stay with their uncle because she wanted to be with him, and he wanted to ensure she recovered well after their father’s death.
The decision caused significant upset between the OP and his wife.
Eventually, the OP told his wife that his sister would stay with them, whether she liked it or not. He warned her that if she refused, they would divorce. They remained silent for a while after that.
The OP later updated the post, stating that he and his wife decided to separate. He said:
“She said you really are choosing your sister over me.”
The OP confirmed this and said he didn’t want to discuss it further. He added that his sister was his top priority at the moment.
That was the last conversation the OP and his wife had. He also said:
“I have been living with my sister for 1 week now. Being a single father-ish brother is definitely challenging, but I am really enjoying it.”
Many commenters felt that the OP had done the right thing by his sister and that his wife was being insensitive by refusing to take in a homeless teen.
Some commenters suggested that parents should have a will designating a guardian for their children in case of untimely death.
One person shared their experience, saying their half-sister took them in after their parents died, but it was clear they weren’t wanted. At 15, they ran away, and neither their half-sister nor her spouse noticed.
This user believed the OP and his wife should have divorced because the sister would have sensed any hostility against her if she stayed.
Another person, without children, agreed that it would have been a deal breaker for them too.
Some supported the OP’s wife, saying she knew her limits and couldn’t handle caring for a traumatized child.
Another commenter noted that the OP’s wife would be forced into a motherly role if she helped raise his sister, even if she didn’t want to.
One person mentioned they usually side with the wife, but in this case, they couldn’t, feeling she was unfair by accusing the OP of preferring his sister over her.
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