Amy, who wrote to Brightside, explained that she has been happily married for 10 years. Both she and her husband work full-time and have a healthy six-month-old baby boy. While her husband works from home, she works in the office. Her mother-in-law initially offered to look after their baby, and Amy, who appreciated her mother-in-law’s skill with children, happily agreed. In addition to babysitting, her mother-in-law also cooked and cleaned. However, Amy was taken aback when her mother-in-law asked for hourly payment. Amy’s husband believes his mother should be compensated, arguing that they would likely pay even more for a professional caregiver. Amy, however, is unsure how to proceed.
Having grandparents care for children has many advantages. It ensures that the kids receive love and attention, which can be more reassuring than hiring someone unfamiliar. This applies to regular or full-time childcare, like Amy’s situation, but differs from occasional unpaid babysitting by grandparents. This might be the source of Amy’s confusion.
Money is a sensitive topic for many, and some grandparents might feel they deserve compensation but hesitate to ask due to the taboo. Thus, it’s important to foster open discussions about expectations. Babysitting, even for grandchildren, is a job that requires fulfilling responsibilities and adhering to a schedule, often at the expense of other activities. Showing gratitude regularly is crucial. Grandparents may feel exploited if their help is taken for granted, potentially leading to resentment. This can be avoided through open discussions, expressing gratitude, and offering rewards. Regularly showing appreciation through gifts, thank-you cards, or help with bills can make a significant difference. It’s also important to respect the grandparents’ need for relaxation and recreation.
If the grandparent wants financial compensation, clear guidelines should be established. Decide on the payment amount based on local rates for daycare employees or babysitters, taking into account the number of children, their ages, any special care needed, and additional chores performed by the grandparent. Establish a payment schedule—daily, weekly, or monthly—and offer vacation time and holiday pay as needed. Reimburse the grandparent for any “business expenses” such as food, toys, gas, and activities.
Empathy and appreciation go hand in hand. Childcare is demanding, and if a grandparent finds it difficult, make it easier for them by planning less physically demanding activities like going to the playground or watching a movie. If they struggle with stairs, ensure all necessary supplies are on the main floor. Parents should also be aware of any health issues that could impact childcare, such as memory problems or seizures.
Maintaining ongoing communication is essential. Children should understand that the grandparent is in charge and must follow the same rules as when their parents are around, such as doing homework, not eating candy before meals, and going to bed on time.
Finally, do not feel guilty if grandparents are sometimes unable to watch your children. Keep a list of alternative babysitters for such occasions. Grandparents have their own lives and schedules, so caring for grandchildren should be a joy, not a burden. Encourage honesty about their availability. Open and frequent communication between grandparents and parents is vital to prevent misunderstandings and ensure the arrangement works well for everyone.
